I can't express how unabashedly excited I was to get Carina's letter today! I'm in Japan, and she and Ben are in TZ, and we're no longer college students; we're out in the world (scary thought... watch out world) trying to make some sense of life and bring some bit of the good news to people in our own various and sundry broken ways. Thank God for friends with so many passions and dreams. Thank God for snail mail. Sometimes you just need the reassurance of something physical from someone you love... the reassurance that you are, indeed, loved, even though you've no doubt you are. People are funny that way. I'm funny. :) YOU'RE funny! haha
I love you Carina!
11.30.2005
11.29.2005
I feel like the cookie (dough) monster
My first batch of cookies in Japan! The dough was definitely a success! I wish I had some girlfriends to share it with, along with a good chick flick. The cookies themselves didn't turn out half bad either!
Yeah! grins
Yeah! grins
11.27.2005
the BLESSINGS of the winter season
This was originally started as a post on Rebecca Loaiza's blog, but I decided that I wanted to share it with all because I think it's important. Rebecca asked how she could start to love winter, when usually it's a season she dreads. So...
The winter season is always one filled with wonder for me. Everything once so colorful is now white, completely white. But this isn't something which makes me feel depressed. On the contrary, the contrast of the colorfulness of spring, summer, and fall, makes the pure soft white all the more beautiful, and in turn the pure white of winter and the muted brown of leaf-bare trees (and an occasional mix of evergreen and holly) allows me to appreciate the colors of the rest of the year so much more. Also, snow is a joy for me. Sometime, take the time to gently pick up a handful, and just study the snowflakes. They're beautiful! Incredibly beautiful! The details and delicateness of each one is astonishing! Yet, am I so surprised?? Our Creator designed each one!! But the cold, you protest. Yes, the cold is indeed cold. But, it's such a fun sensation to feel your numb cheeks thawing, assuring you that you are very alive. The warmth of indoors is all the more cozy, and hot chocolate just isn't the same when you drink it in warm weather. I hope this helps give you a place to start. grins I love each season, but each for a different reason. You just have to look for the good, and let the bad fall away.
I can't wait for it to SNOW!!!!!!
grins
The winter season is always one filled with wonder for me. Everything once so colorful is now white, completely white. But this isn't something which makes me feel depressed. On the contrary, the contrast of the colorfulness of spring, summer, and fall, makes the pure soft white all the more beautiful, and in turn the pure white of winter and the muted brown of leaf-bare trees (and an occasional mix of evergreen and holly) allows me to appreciate the colors of the rest of the year so much more. Also, snow is a joy for me. Sometime, take the time to gently pick up a handful, and just study the snowflakes. They're beautiful! Incredibly beautiful! The details and delicateness of each one is astonishing! Yet, am I so surprised?? Our Creator designed each one!! But the cold, you protest. Yes, the cold is indeed cold. But, it's such a fun sensation to feel your numb cheeks thawing, assuring you that you are very alive. The warmth of indoors is all the more cozy, and hot chocolate just isn't the same when you drink it in warm weather. I hope this helps give you a place to start. grins I love each season, but each for a different reason. You just have to look for the good, and let the bad fall away.
I can't wait for it to SNOW!!!!!!
grins
catching up... (is that possible??)
The past week... past 2 weeks, actually... have been rather insane.
Where to begin...?
Let's see. Last week (it seems like it's been a whole lot longer than just one week) I went up to Takanosu (where Amy's parents live - an 1 1/2 train ride from Akita). The plan for Monday morning was to catch the early train to Takanosu and off we would go (we being myself, the Nordaas's, Becki and her friend Asami) driving along the coast monkey hunting. A great Japanese custom! You drive along watching for monkeys crossing the road and if you see one you speed up (no guns allowed on this hunt). If you hit it, you get to keep it. You can tell who the experienced monkey hunters are by the number of monkey heads on their wall. Though I don't understand why you would want to put a monkey on your wall... I think they're ugly. I dreaded going to the doctor's office when I was a kid, not because I didn't like the doctor, but because they always had me go to the room that had the monkey poster pinned to the ceiling and I would close my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at it. And in case you're wondering how sane the Japanese are for hunting monkeys with their cars and hanging their monkey trophies on their walls, set your mind to rest. There's no such thing. grins Call it creative writing... overactive imagination... sleep deprivation. I was inspired, so I wrote. But we did go monkey hunting. Only not to hit them, but to take pictures of them (why, I ask, would you want to take pictures of monkeys?? but I guess there has to be some people in this world who like them. I like frogs. Some people think frogs are ugly... so I guess we're even...). We saw 3. Honestly, I was more interested in the breathtaking beauty of the coast of Japan.
But wait! I'm getting waaaayy ahead of myself. The early train... yes, well... the early train. I missed it. The first train I've missed since coming to Japan. So, Arnie (Amy's dad) looked at his massive train schedule book - something akin to our telephone books - and rerouted me. I was to get off at Noshiro (several stops before Takanosu) and they would pick me up there. K. I could handle that. Off to find the train. Find it I did, but found out from a friendly conductor type person that I needed some kind of reservation ticket... ummm... okaaayy... hm. Well, he must have read the look of slight confusion in my face (the look that comes when you think you might have an idea of what's expected of you, but you're not quite sure and not quite sure how to double check to make sure you got it right because there's that little thing called a language barrier) because he proceeded, with a smile, to escort me to the special train ticket reservation counter place (for lack of better words to explain it), told the man my destination, I got my ticket, and escorted me back to my train. Lord, thank you for gracious people. So, while I was riding on this special reservation train, I let myself wind down and got to playing with my camera. Oh the joy! grins Let's just say I had fun. ;) And I wrote a letter to my brother telling him of my little adventure.
So, yes, back to monkey hunting. The monkey hunting was more of an activity to occupy us while en route to a lovely place called Juniko (12 lakes - juni=12). And personally, the coast was much more mesmorizing. I love the sea. Anyway, of the 12 lakes, the last was the most unique. The water and the reflections were fascinating! Sometimes the water looked indigo, sometimes it was translucent picking up more of the brown and yellow of the leaves that had sunk to the bottom from being water-logged, and sometimes it was as blue as the picture below (except pictures never do justice to what is before your eyes) - the kind of blue that I dream the lakes of heaven (should heaven have lakes) might look like - the kind of blue I only ever imagine, never expecting to see, and after having seen it realize that my imagination didn't do it justice. Truly beautiful. It took my breath away... over and over again.
After spending a better part of an hour, maybe 2, we went in search of a ramen shopu to fill our growling stomachs with something tasty. Find one, we did. Just as the sea sky was opening up to drench us with freezing stinging rain, we pulled into a little ramen shopu in a remote coastal town. While sipping my very hot tempura miso shiru (a type of soup - very delicious) sitting on my knees (Japanese style) next to a toasty little kerosene heater, the sleety rain pelted against the window and every few minutes lightning would pierce the cloud darkened sky and the ensueing thunder would literally shake the little restaurant. The windows even rattled. A little eery, and oh so exciting! I love thunderstorms!
What a wonderful day! On the way home the weather cleared enough to step out of the car for a few more pictures of a now darkened, moody sky and reflecting sea.
Where to begin...?
Let's see. Last week (it seems like it's been a whole lot longer than just one week) I went up to Takanosu (where Amy's parents live - an 1 1/2 train ride from Akita). The plan for Monday morning was to catch the early train to Takanosu and off we would go (we being myself, the Nordaas's, Becki and her friend Asami) driving along the coast monkey hunting. A great Japanese custom! You drive along watching for monkeys crossing the road and if you see one you speed up (no guns allowed on this hunt). If you hit it, you get to keep it. You can tell who the experienced monkey hunters are by the number of monkey heads on their wall. Though I don't understand why you would want to put a monkey on your wall... I think they're ugly. I dreaded going to the doctor's office when I was a kid, not because I didn't like the doctor, but because they always had me go to the room that had the monkey poster pinned to the ceiling and I would close my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at it. And in case you're wondering how sane the Japanese are for hunting monkeys with their cars and hanging their monkey trophies on their walls, set your mind to rest. There's no such thing. grins Call it creative writing... overactive imagination... sleep deprivation. I was inspired, so I wrote. But we did go monkey hunting. Only not to hit them, but to take pictures of them (why, I ask, would you want to take pictures of monkeys?? but I guess there has to be some people in this world who like them. I like frogs. Some people think frogs are ugly... so I guess we're even...). We saw 3. Honestly, I was more interested in the breathtaking beauty of the coast of Japan.
But wait! I'm getting waaaayy ahead of myself. The early train... yes, well... the early train. I missed it. The first train I've missed since coming to Japan. So, Arnie (Amy's dad) looked at his massive train schedule book - something akin to our telephone books - and rerouted me. I was to get off at Noshiro (several stops before Takanosu) and they would pick me up there. K. I could handle that. Off to find the train. Find it I did, but found out from a friendly conductor type person that I needed some kind of reservation ticket... ummm... okaaayy... hm. Well, he must have read the look of slight confusion in my face (the look that comes when you think you might have an idea of what's expected of you, but you're not quite sure and not quite sure how to double check to make sure you got it right because there's that little thing called a language barrier) because he proceeded, with a smile, to escort me to the special train ticket reservation counter place (for lack of better words to explain it), told the man my destination, I got my ticket, and escorted me back to my train. Lord, thank you for gracious people. So, while I was riding on this special reservation train, I let myself wind down and got to playing with my camera. Oh the joy! grins Let's just say I had fun. ;) And I wrote a letter to my brother telling him of my little adventure.
So, yes, back to monkey hunting. The monkey hunting was more of an activity to occupy us while en route to a lovely place called Juniko (12 lakes - juni=12). And personally, the coast was much more mesmorizing. I love the sea. Anyway, of the 12 lakes, the last was the most unique. The water and the reflections were fascinating! Sometimes the water looked indigo, sometimes it was translucent picking up more of the brown and yellow of the leaves that had sunk to the bottom from being water-logged, and sometimes it was as blue as the picture below (except pictures never do justice to what is before your eyes) - the kind of blue that I dream the lakes of heaven (should heaven have lakes) might look like - the kind of blue I only ever imagine, never expecting to see, and after having seen it realize that my imagination didn't do it justice. Truly beautiful. It took my breath away... over and over again.
After spending a better part of an hour, maybe 2, we went in search of a ramen shopu to fill our growling stomachs with something tasty. Find one, we did. Just as the sea sky was opening up to drench us with freezing stinging rain, we pulled into a little ramen shopu in a remote coastal town. While sipping my very hot tempura miso shiru (a type of soup - very delicious) sitting on my knees (Japanese style) next to a toasty little kerosene heater, the sleety rain pelted against the window and every few minutes lightning would pierce the cloud darkened sky and the ensueing thunder would literally shake the little restaurant. The windows even rattled. A little eery, and oh so exciting! I love thunderstorms!
What a wonderful day! On the way home the weather cleared enough to step out of the car for a few more pictures of a now darkened, moody sky and reflecting sea.
11.26.2005
11.24.2005
The Prayer Tree, Michael Leunig
We give thanks for our friends.
Our dear friends.
We anger each other.
We fail each other.
We share this sad earth, this tender life,
this precious time.
Such richness. Such wildness.
Together we are blown about.
Together we are dragged along.
All this delight.
All this suffering.
All this forgiving life.
We hold it together.
Amen.
Our dear friends.
We anger each other.
We fail each other.
We share this sad earth, this tender life,
this precious time.
Such richness. Such wildness.
Together we are blown about.
Together we are dragged along.
All this delight.
All this suffering.
All this forgiving life.
We hold it together.
Amen.
11.23.2005
sometimes I really do love technology
because it lets me talk to 2 of my incredibly wonderful and amazingly beautiful roommates. with this wonderful new bit of technology (skype), I, in Japan, talked to Amy and Kat, in China, for FREE! I talked to them for free for 2 HOURS! or just about.
Kat and Ames, I can't tell you how nice it was to just laugh with you again. Talk and laugh and talk over one another and laugh some more. I love you so much!
Kat and Ames, I can't tell you how nice it was to just laugh with you again. Talk and laugh and talk over one another and laugh some more. I love you so much!
11.16.2005
First SNOW!!
This morning (11/16) I experienced my first SNOW in Japan!! Exciting! (It was actually more like snow pellets... but still!) I looked out my window, saw the little pristine snow pellets poinging to earth, threw on my incredibly warm poofy coat, and ran to the top of my apartment building to have a more thorough and enjoyable experience of this first "snowfall." (Except, unless you look hard, you can't tell it's snowing at all.... oh well. I'm sure I'll have many more opportunities!) :)
11.13.2005
Koto Concert
How to describe KOTO for those who have never heard its strings being plucked... Beautiful. As you can see from the picture, the instrument lays on the floor, a long "stringed" instrument... a combination of the strings of the violin, viola, cello and bass with a distinct Japanese sound... string plucking and strumming and bending. Their plucking hand has flat metal caps on each finger and the thumb. It was pretty amazing. And as the tempo and style and rhythm of music changed along the course of the song, different images danced around on the edge of my memories - stories following the music.
ice skating in Akita
I love ice skating. Good times with Becki and her friend Rie (who came from somewhere to meet us to go ice skating). Also a good reminder that I need to iceskate more... ouch! ;)
the hats here are CRAZY
This is Becki, the English teacher up in Takanosu - 20 yrs old from Minn - (with Amy's parents) brandishing a "sublime" hat. I don't know what you'd call mine. She's become a good friend and companion here in Japan and will be returning to college at the end of January. We get together every now and again and somehow manage to keep from getting into too much trouble.
11.10.2005
"the Dacks"
as I will always think of them, got this abbreviated name from Carina and got their own special place in my heart and in my memories from 4 very special treks to Carina's cabin during the 4 October breaks of our 4 crazy years at Houghton. I found it on Kat's flickr photostream and decided that it needed to be blogged. :) I missed our trek this year, but I'm looking forward to what are future one's will look like... however varied and far between.
I miss you girls.
I miss you girls.
11.08.2005
so, I think this is pretty hilarious.
We could all use a little more quality free time to keep us young and full of grace and beauty, right? Well, come to Akita, Japan. It's for sale - a special discount. Hurry while supplies last.
grins
Engrish makes me smile... and laugh out loud. ;)
grins
Engrish makes me smile... and laugh out loud. ;)
11.07.2005
more HAPPY BIRTHDAYs!
So Michelle gave me a great idea... HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAT! 11/7
As with Michelle, I really only got to know Kat this past year. Two incredible friendships I wasn't expecting, but will continue to cherish for the rest of my life.
I love you, Kat! You were an incredible blessing to me last year and continue to be!
I think late nights were characteristic of the great majority of our time spent together last fall... late nights in the Daily Grind, in the ISA, in the CAB office, in your room, in the kitchen, in the bathroom. grins I guess it didn't really matter where. And somewhere in the midst of all those late nights you grew from a friend to a sister.
I also want to wish AMY a very belated TANJOBI OMEDETO... 10/22
Ames, within the first hour of our first day of getting to know one another on Highlander, I wanted to be your friend. And as our friendship grew, I saw in you a beauty and grace that can only be God-given. I loved adopting you into my family (and so did my family). You were my first "international" friend, and you opened my eyes to so much, broadening my perspective, challenging my way of thinking, helping me become prepared for everything I would encounter throughout our 4 years at Houghton... And thank you for teaching me to appreciate baths. grins They will never be the same.
wow. And now I'm in Japan.
I love you both! Feliz cumpleanos!
As with Michelle, I really only got to know Kat this past year. Two incredible friendships I wasn't expecting, but will continue to cherish for the rest of my life.
I love you, Kat! You were an incredible blessing to me last year and continue to be!
I think late nights were characteristic of the great majority of our time spent together last fall... late nights in the Daily Grind, in the ISA, in the CAB office, in your room, in the kitchen, in the bathroom. grins I guess it didn't really matter where. And somewhere in the midst of all those late nights you grew from a friend to a sister.
I also want to wish AMY a very belated TANJOBI OMEDETO... 10/22
Ames, within the first hour of our first day of getting to know one another on Highlander, I wanted to be your friend. And as our friendship grew, I saw in you a beauty and grace that can only be God-given. I loved adopting you into my family (and so did my family). You were my first "international" friend, and you opened my eyes to so much, broadening my perspective, challenging my way of thinking, helping me become prepared for everything I would encounter throughout our 4 years at Houghton... And thank you for teaching me to appreciate baths. grins They will never be the same.
wow. And now I'm in Japan.
I love you both! Feliz cumpleanos!
11.06.2005
2 months into Japan... transitions.
the initial feeling of anxiety and disbelief that "I'm going to teach?!!!" to gradually settling into a teaching routine (if you can call it that! haha grins) complete with all the flexibility I can muster and the life-saving, sanity-saving grace of God... the initial feeling of heartache and loneliness and feeling of loss that comes with leaving people you love so much to realizing again that "there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and so my time to be here is good, and God never ceases to amaze me in the incredible ways in which he continues to bless me - a very small and weak "little girl" (as I often feel).
Thinking about "home" - home being the people - still often brings tears to my eyes as my heart lifts you all up in a prayer that catches in my throat - the kind of prayer that words don't suffice to express. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit "prays for us." But even so, Japan is becoming yet another "home" - bit by bit, person by person, name by name, face by face, relationship by relationship. I can't help but love each one.
Thinking about "home" - home being the people - still often brings tears to my eyes as my heart lifts you all up in a prayer that catches in my throat - the kind of prayer that words don't suffice to express. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit "prays for us." But even so, Japan is becoming yet another "home" - bit by bit, person by person, name by name, face by face, relationship by relationship. I can't help but love each one.
11.01.2005
some reflections on prayer...
In the palace of the king there are many rooms and there is a key for each room. An axe, however, is the passkey of all passkeys, for with it one can break through all the doors and all the gates.
Each prayer has its own proper meaning and it is therefore the specific key to a door in the Divine Palace, but a broken heart is an axe which opens all gates.
- Arthur Hertzberg, Judaism
In prayer we shift the center of living from self-consciousness to self-surrender. God is the center toward which all forces tend. He is the source, and we are the flowing of His force, the ebb and flow of His tides.
- Abraham Heschel, The Prophets
Prayer, therefore, is far from sweet and easy. Being the expression of our greatest love, it does not keep pain away from us. Instead, it makes us suffer more since our love for God is a love for a suffering God and our entering into God's intimacy is an entering into the intimacy where all of human suffering is embraced in divine compassion. To the degree that our prayer has become the prayer of our heart we will love more and suffer more, we will see more light and more darkness, more grace and more sin, more of God and more of humanity.
Henry Nouwen, Reaching Out
There is a description of prayer that is more of a poem and meditation than anything else. Here it is:
The important thing about prayer is that it is almost indefinable. You see, it is: hard and sharp, soft and loving, deep and inexpressible, shallow and repetitious, a groaning and a sighing.
A silence and a shouting, a burst of praise digging deep down into loneliness, into me. Loving. Abandonment to despair, a soaring to heights which can only be ecstasy, dull plodding in the grayness of mediocre being - laziness, boredom, resentment.
Questing and questioning, calm reflection, meditation, cogitation. A surprise at sudden joy, a shaft of light, a laser beam. Irritation at not understanding, impatience, pain of mind and body hardly uttered or deeply anguished.
Being together, the stirring of love shallow, then deeper, then deepest. A breathless involvement, a meeting, a longing, a loving, an inpouring...
It sounds exciting, put like that.
It sounds real. An exploration.
A chance to do more than catalogue
and list the things I want,
to an eternal Father Christmas.
The chance of meeting you,
of drawing close to the love that made me,
and keeps me, and knows me.
And, Lord, it's only just begun.
There is so much more of you,
of love, the limitless expanse of knowing you.
I could be frightened, Lord, in this wide country.
I could be lonely, but you are here, with me.
The chance of learning about myself,
of facing up to what I am.
Admitting my resentments,
bringing my anger to you, my disappointments, my frustration.
And finding that when I do,
when I stop struggling and shouting
and let go
you are still there.
Still loving.
Sometimes, Lord, often -
I don't know what to say to you.
But I still come, in quiet
for the comfort of two friends
sitting in silence.
And it's then, Lord, that I learn most from you.
When my mind slows down,
and my heart stops racing.
When I let go and wait in the quiet,
realizing that all the things I was going to ask for
you know already.
Then, Lord, without words,
in the stillness
you are there...
And I love you.
Lord, teach me to pray.
- Eddie Askew, A Silence and a Shouting
Each prayer has its own proper meaning and it is therefore the specific key to a door in the Divine Palace, but a broken heart is an axe which opens all gates.
- Arthur Hertzberg, Judaism
In prayer we shift the center of living from self-consciousness to self-surrender. God is the center toward which all forces tend. He is the source, and we are the flowing of His force, the ebb and flow of His tides.
- Abraham Heschel, The Prophets
Prayer, therefore, is far from sweet and easy. Being the expression of our greatest love, it does not keep pain away from us. Instead, it makes us suffer more since our love for God is a love for a suffering God and our entering into God's intimacy is an entering into the intimacy where all of human suffering is embraced in divine compassion. To the degree that our prayer has become the prayer of our heart we will love more and suffer more, we will see more light and more darkness, more grace and more sin, more of God and more of humanity.
Henry Nouwen, Reaching Out
There is a description of prayer that is more of a poem and meditation than anything else. Here it is:
The important thing about prayer is that it is almost indefinable. You see, it is: hard and sharp, soft and loving, deep and inexpressible, shallow and repetitious, a groaning and a sighing.
A silence and a shouting, a burst of praise digging deep down into loneliness, into me. Loving. Abandonment to despair, a soaring to heights which can only be ecstasy, dull plodding in the grayness of mediocre being - laziness, boredom, resentment.
Questing and questioning, calm reflection, meditation, cogitation. A surprise at sudden joy, a shaft of light, a laser beam. Irritation at not understanding, impatience, pain of mind and body hardly uttered or deeply anguished.
Being together, the stirring of love shallow, then deeper, then deepest. A breathless involvement, a meeting, a longing, a loving, an inpouring...
It sounds exciting, put like that.
It sounds real. An exploration.
A chance to do more than catalogue
and list the things I want,
to an eternal Father Christmas.
The chance of meeting you,
of drawing close to the love that made me,
and keeps me, and knows me.
And, Lord, it's only just begun.
There is so much more of you,
of love, the limitless expanse of knowing you.
I could be frightened, Lord, in this wide country.
I could be lonely, but you are here, with me.
The chance of learning about myself,
of facing up to what I am.
Admitting my resentments,
bringing my anger to you, my disappointments, my frustration.
And finding that when I do,
when I stop struggling and shouting
and let go
you are still there.
Still loving.
Sometimes, Lord, often -
I don't know what to say to you.
But I still come, in quiet
for the comfort of two friends
sitting in silence.
And it's then, Lord, that I learn most from you.
When my mind slows down,
and my heart stops racing.
When I let go and wait in the quiet,
realizing that all the things I was going to ask for
you know already.
Then, Lord, without words,
in the stillness
you are there...
And I love you.
Lord, teach me to pray.
- Eddie Askew, A Silence and a Shouting
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