Dear J., forgive me forgive me forgive me for taking sooooooooooo long to write back to you!!!
Let me start off by saying that you have much been in my thoughts and heart over the past days and weeks (not unusual :) ), but maybe... in a more intense sort of way... with more of a sense of urgency. May our Lord, who was, who is, and who is to come, be present with you right now, be it in sorrow, joy, tribulation, confusion, peace, laughter that makes you "crinkle your nose" :) , be you under attack, or at rest, or whatever. The Lord, our Shepherd, is with you by the quiet waters and green pastures as well as through the valley of the shadow of death. He is present with us through both and all of the in between. He is with you in whatever difficulties you may be facing at home and work, in whatever sorrow you may be experiencing in missing the Buffalo you have come to love, and in your preparations for U.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me. I feel... both honored and humbled. I by no means have a corner on wisdom, but I will do my very best to sift out the good that the Holy Spirit has laid upon my heart.
You're very right... I didn't tell you what I did about M. with any lightness. I had even decided not to say anything at all, that I was being ridiculous and that maybe saying something about it would cause more harm than good. And it very well may be that nothing does come of your friendship than just what it is: a friendship woven by God's very gracious and merciful hands. But I said it. And as I've had time to think and consider... just time, really... I'm glad I said it. But it has taken on a deeper meaning since then, too. Not a warm fuzzy one, but the heart-wrenching, grubby-fisted hand of a child clinging in desperate hope to his/her father... that no matter the present situation (I honestly don't know M.'s present situation, as I've neither seen nor talked to him in 2 weeks.), God knows, our Father knows, and that is enough. That has to be enough... because I am a child, and he is my father, and there is a time and place for everything, and a season for every event under heaven, and that goes for knowing these things too. And maybe more of God's children need to come in and out of M.'s life... leading him, showing him, guiding him, teaching him, rebuking him, loving him... before he is prepared and ready to lead a life worthy of the calling of Christ. Maybe this is just the beginning of that path. It could be that our roles will continue; it could be that they were only meant to be for a time. It could be that their time may come again, after a hiatus. I really don't know. But I do know that I believe that God has a purpose for his son, that Jesus Christ has a purpose for his brother... so don't lose heart, J. M. needs someone to hope for him, to trust for him, to pray for him. I'm so glad you shared with me your visions; they have served to increase my own hope. Persevere with him. Have you ever... considered sharing with him the visions that you have had? I know that that is a very scary thought... but maybe he needs to see those visions too. It's like... describing the vividness of colors and images you see around you to someone who has lost their sight. Help him see until he has eyes to see himself. Give him something to dwell on, to think about, other than the chaos that spins its threads around him. Be an agent of hope and help to give him something to cling to and hope for... and in doing so, increase his sight that the Lord is the author of it all. But despite my words, pray about it, and make sure that you yourself have peace in sharing these things with him (and remember 2 things: that perfect love casts out fear... and that there may be a time and season for that too, and the Spirit will guide you). The Lord will lead you, one step at a time.
As far as things being easy... grins I've often wondered why it weren't so myself. hehe But then... where would we be? Conceited? Self-confident? Independent? Stubborn? Would we be the oppressors instead of the oppressed? The selfish destroyers of peace rather than the peacemakers? The greedy hoarders rather than in humility sharing our last penny, our last strawberry, our last piece of multi-grain bread...? Tucked away in our nice comfy nooks of a fabricated utopian world rather than on our knees, hands in the dirt, in the basements, broken boys sobbing hopelessness on our shoulders, pen in hand with green card applications, subsidized housing forms, school enrollment sheets, overdue gas bills, eviction notices piled high in front of us with beautiful Burmese, Burundi, Somali, Cuban, Iraqi eyes peering with hope over the pile... or 3 beautiful children not your own, loved and created by our Creator, tugging at your jeans or skirt, longing to be loved unconditionally... Take the narrow road, J. Take it, and don't look back.
But mostly... know that in all the fullness of God, our Redeemer loves you. And he loves M. And while M. was getting high, or knocking up his baby mamas, or shooting someone, or punching someone's face, our Jesus died and rose for him. And he did it for us too. We were abandoned, kicking and gasping and bleating in our own blood, and he picked us up and cleaned us off and adorned us as only a Father King can.
as only a sister in Christ can
I love you
R.
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